Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
