Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
