Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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