I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
