Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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