What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sorry my hands just texted you
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
