Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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