Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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