i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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