Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
