theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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