She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
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Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
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Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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