Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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