So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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