So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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