so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
