i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
