Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
