It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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