it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
