i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
