i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
