my soul wont recognize me after tonight
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
