i already hear my dad disowning me
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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