So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
