Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
being pregnant is like rehab
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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