At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
