so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
