I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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