At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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