woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
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I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
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You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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