Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I want her autograph on my taint
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
