I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
