i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
