Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize