You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
