If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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