the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
