wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
