Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
