Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
