people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
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