I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
