Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
