he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
