you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
4 words: hood of his car
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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