I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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