i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
