I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
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i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
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You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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