Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
