I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You took a bar mat shot.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
