he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
