Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
