if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
