my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
