Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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