If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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