New invention idea: vibrating tampons
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
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