Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
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what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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