Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
