He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
my shit smells like andre
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
