i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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