no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize