You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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