Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
