OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
if only i could text you this smell
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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